by Rosalie Sanara Petrouske
A few lights have dimmed
on my little artificial tree—
yet in my mind
they still burn brightly.
Under their glow,
I carefully hang each ornament,
think about a Christmas past—
fragile baubles from my mother’s youth—
a blue Mercury glass bell, spirals,
spheres, a crystal angel, a tiny drum.
Candlelight and hopes,
silver tinsel strung, glistening
on that fresh cut tree my father
pulled through the woods
on a sled.
When the moon cast
shadows across the snow
that Christmas Eve, I pressed
my round child’s face against
the windowpane, looking
for magic, and saw silhouettes
of three deer on the hill behind
our cabin—a buck and two does.
They watched tentatively,
turned their faces toward me.
Moonlight stroked their backs,
and though I could not see
their eyes, I felt their fear.
When I bumped against
the glass too hard with my chin,
they bounded away, pausing
for a moment to look back.
Everything was still beneath
the stars then, even the cottontail
rabbit, who hopped away,
with his loping strides made
no sound.
I turn back to my own room—
another time, another place,
a much older me.
There is no moon out tonight,
everything dark and noiseless,
only the twinkling
of lights from my now
decorated tree.
I feel a wisp of breath,
a quiet touch on my arm—
perhaps, my mother telling
me it’s time for bed,
but when I look, no one
is there.
And I am lost between
then and now, between
that silent night and
this one.
Rosalie Sanara Petrouske is a a professor of writing at Lansing Community College, a 2012 finalist for U.P. poet laureate, and the author of “Tracking the Fox,” First Place winner of the 2022 Poetry Box Chapbook Competition, judged by nationally celebrated poet James Crews. “Tracking the Fox” will be released Feb. 1 and can be pre-ordered through Dec. 31 at thepoetrybox.com.
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