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Wednesday, June 23,2010

Serial monotony & Searching for that special yum one

by Amy Alkon
Marriage used to play out on the Wal-Mart model: the idea that one person would meet your every need from altar to gravestone. Couples these days seem to understand that this is ridiculous, and have friendships outside the relationship.
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Wednesday, June 16,2010

Gilbert Grope & Rogained another fan!

by Amy Alkon
had drinks in my neighborhood. He drank too much, and asked to hang at my house so he wouldn’t drive under the influence. I didn’t like this because I’m used to guys using this ploy for sex, but he said if I didn’t let him in, I was making him drive drunk.
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Wednesday, June 9,2010

Sperm Wail

by Amy Alkon
found “the one.” She’s gone from being ultrapicky to swearing she’ll just marry the next guy who doesn’t pick his nose at the dinner table. Wow. Is that what it comes down to for women ' eventually having to give up and settle for a guy you’re less than on fire for? It horrifies me to think of being her at some point.
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Wednesday, June 2,2010

Bust actress, a whole new bald game & flee collar

by Amy Alkon
Of course, it’s always been out for some (picture Meryl Streep and Judi Dench sitting around pondering, “To DDD or not to DDD'”) While this reported trend in looking natural seems part of the trend toward grass-fed beef, hemp lingerie, and “Hey, you...
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Wednesday, May 26,2010

The power of positive sinking & Past control

by Amy Alkon
It’s terrible, what happened to his roommate, but moving into somebody’s place and then announcing, “Oh, by the way, I’m traumatized by people having sex'” is like saying, “Did I mention that I’m deathly allergic to cats? Not to worry, I hear they don’t feel a thing when they get put down.
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Wednesday, May 19,2010

Wussy galore & Let’s meek love!

by Amy Alkon
You might be as “liberated” as all get out, but your genes are ready to party like it’s 1.8 million years ago, when women evolved to be the harder-to-get sex and men co-evolved to expect to smooth-talk a woman into the bushes.
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Wednesday, May 12,2010

Needy Gonzales Truth Theorem

by Amy Alkon
This guy takes the “Dear Occupant” approach to love: Instead of “It had to be you,” it had to be somebody, and you’re standing right there and have yet to call the cops on him. He claims to love you, but you really have to know somebody to love them.
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Wednesday, May 5,2010

Bodhi call & Flat attire

by Amy Alkon
Forget the old “anything worth having is worth waiting for.” You’re a woman in a hurry. Anything worth having is worth cornering like a trapped animal. Unfortunately, guythink doesn’t work on that timetable. Yeah, he might be sensitive, spiritual, and chatty with trees, but he’s still a guy.
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Wednesday, April 28,2010

Better pluck next time How to pick up gorillas

by Amy Alkon
Oh, what a terrible thing, promoting “American standards of beauty.” Footbinding? Clitoridectomy? Naw, plucking tiny hairs above a woman’s lip. Quick! Somebody start an international human rights organization! (Maybe something spelling out the acronym MORONIC.
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Wednesday, April 21,2010

About the thighs of it & Life is a gurney

by Amy Alkon
Ignore your friends and family, who won’t be the ones sleeping with your girlfriend (well, presumably). It’s anything but shallow to make sure a woman has the looks you need to be hot for her.
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