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Wednesday, August 25,2010

Advice Goddess

Bye now! (pay later) & Mouth trap

by Amy Alkon
was boarding a plane to attend her best friend’s wedding. I thought it would be good for her to be with friends after hearing the news, but it ruined her weekend. She pretty much thinks I’m a terrible self-centered idiot, and she’s right. Here’s the good part: I want her back.
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Wednesday, August 18,2010

Advice Goddess

Not Wanton Any & Lens Crafty

by Amy Alkon
Q: I started seeing this amazing guy, but had to initiate most of the making out. He soon dumped me, saying he has little experience and was freakingout. (He’s 40, and has only had three girlfriends.) We got back together, but he still wasn’t initiating, and six months in, still hadn’t had sex with me. After a perfect date, I told him I wanted to make love to him. He said he wasn’t up for that kind of attachment, hightailed it out of my place, and ended it again. We’re friends now, but I’ve fallen totally in love with him. I can tell he’s attracted to me, but my friends think he’s gay or sexually dysfunctional. I told him I wouldn’t care about the latter. He’s too great to walk away from. He gets my weird artwork and disturbing humor, and we work great together on art projects. I’m considering making my upcoming 40th birthday my deadline and telling him what I REALLY want. If he cannot commit or initiate sex, I’m leaving! Right?
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Wednesday, August 11,2010

Advice Goddess

Want Salt and Pepper Spray With That? & A Blast From The Pest

by Amy Alkon
Q: The girl of my dreams works at a restaurant I eat at almost every day. When she started six months ago, I began sitting in her section. I’ve never had feelings this strong. I can’t even look at her without freezing up. Two months ago, I asked her out, and she turned me down, saying it was a bad idea because I’m a customer and she’s too busy to date.
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Wednesday, August 4,2010

Advice Goddess

The Larva of the Party & Toon Deaf

by Amy Alkon
Q: I love to dress up and go socialize with people. My boyfriend, however, can only smile friendly and chitchat for about 20 minutes before he seats himself in some corner and starts reading the host’s books.
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Wednesday, July 28,2010

Hannah and Her Scissors & Be Stale My Heart

by Amy Alkon
newlyweds but dated for three years. She’s always been truthful and forthright, so I was dumbfounded that she kept this from me. She claims they’re “just friends,” insists the past is the past, and won’t discuss anything. I had trust issues with my ex-wife and have abandonment issues (thanks, Mom), but had ZERO insecurities about my wife until this.
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Wednesday, July 21,2010

Home Invasion Is Where The Heart Is & Swept Off Her Feed

by Amy Alkon
in, made us strip to our underwear, then bound and gagged us. We were tied in chairs, back to back, but were able to hold hands. (We weren’t hurt, and my mom came home and untied us a couple hours later.) I’ve always been attracted to this woman, but she has a boyfriend.
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Wednesday, July 14,2010

Thin Line Between Love And Haight

by Amy Alkon
jealous and flew out a few times to see me until I said yes to getting back together. We’ve had a phone relationship since January, with visits whenever possible. Well, I’m starting grad school on the East Coast, and won’t be mobile for three years. But, as for moving to be with me, he’s now saying he doesn’t know if he can leave San Francisco.
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Wednesday, July 7,2010

The woman who mistook her sinkhole for a boyfriend & Single trite female

by Amy Alkon
of his clinginess until we moved in together. If I want some “me time,” he gets offended. If I don’t stand or sit next to him or cuddle with him, he claims I don’t like him. If I eat lunch with a friend instead of him (as I do daily), he’s upset. Even when we spend time with my family, there are repercussions (moping and drama when we get home).
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Wednesday, June 30,2010

Mystery meet, thumber romance & every clod has a silver lining

by Amy Alkon
Many people think the fact that their pants are vibrating gives them a pass to put the person they’re with on face-to-face “ignore.” People with manners consider how their companion might feel sitting before a full restaurant audience pretending to examine a napkin for hidden messages.
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Wednesday, June 23,2010

Serial monotony & Searching for that special yum one

by Amy Alkon
Marriage used to play out on the Wal-Mart model: the idea that one person would meet your every need from altar to gravestone. Couples these days seem to understand that this is ridiculous, and have friendships outside the relationship.
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