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Tuesday, November 6,2012

Advice Goddess

The way of the nailgun & mao tse-tongue

by Amy Alkon
Q: My boyfriend of four years is a wonderful man who makes me incredibly happy. He was there for me throughout my breast cancer, making me feel sexy, beautiful, and loved. I'm 43, divorced five years. He's 41, never married, and his longest relationship was with a train wreck of an alcoholic on house arrest (I know, red flag).
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Tuesday, October 30,2012

Advice Goddess

The call of doodie & silent knight

by Amy Alkon
Q: Loved your response to the bored-out-of-their-gourds parents of the 1-year-old. I'm three months pregnant and a little worried in the wake of a recent dinner party. There were four sets of new parents there, and all the wives seemed to resent the hell out of their husbands. The husbands, predictably, seemed defensive and angry in response. My husband and I have a really great partnership, and I'd like to keep it that way.
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Tuesday, October 23,2012

Advice Goddess

Four wettings & a funeral

by Amy Alkon
Q: My hubby and I had our first child last year, and we're so happy and proud to be the creators of the most adorable creature either of us has ever seen, but our marriage is tanking. We aren't naive; we expected change. But we're both stressed and exhausted and we never have sex.
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Wednesday, October 17,2012

Advice Goddess

I got spew, babe & schlong story short

by Amy Alkon
Q: You wrote in your column, "Men, especially, are compelled to ditch what's chasing them and chase what's trying to ditch them." It seems you're advising that the simple desire to love a man must be approached without authenticity and personal integrity. Must a woman really scheme to get a man, using a painfully conscious strategy based on men's psychological makeup, and wait and wait like Cinderella until he reaches out to her?
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Tuesday, October 9,2012

Advice Goddess

Splendor in the grass cuttings & steaks on a plate

by Amy Alkon
Q: I married a domineering man 20 years my senior. We have two college-age kids. I've spent the past 22 years (half my life) navigating his ill-temperedness and high expectations, and my life is often chaotic and unhappy. For nine months, I've been infatuated with my super-hot 25-year-old co-worker, "Dax." I've tried to distance myself, but my husband met Dax, saw how buff Dax is, and offered him a landscaping job at our home!
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Wednesday, October 3,2012

Advice Goddess

Hell in a hen basket and mean & hungry

by Amy Alkon
Q: Seven months ago, when I met my boyfriend, I had no idea he had so many female friends. I’m 26; he's 30. I understand having opposite-sex friends to get perspective on dating, but he's like one of their girlfriends. He gabs on the phone with them constantly, and they treat him like their little teddy bear, inviting him to baby showers, bringing him leftovers, and baking him cookies. He only understands my jealousy as fear that he will cheat.
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Tuesday, September 25,2012

Advice Goddess

Scold mountain and brawl in the family

by Amy Alkon
Q: The guy I've sorta been seeing travels around making videos for an extreme sports company but lives two hours away in the mountains. We met through a mutual friend, went to dinner and then had sex. We had a few more dates, and then he got a girlfriend. He contacted me after they broke up. I went up to see him, and we went to dinner and had sex. He then visited me, and I cooked him a lovely dinner and gave him a massage, putting lots of effort into everything, but he never puts much effort into us.
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Tuesday, September 18,2012

Advice Goddess

The tweakest link & all tied up in hots

by Amy Alkon
Q: I met this man, and it was instant attraction. I'm a 40-year-old woman with my own place, a car and a good job, and he's an ex-convict who served four years in prison for selling meth. He's very loving, but he has no car or driver's license (it expired during prison), has a minimum-wage job, and is too needy — always checking up on me and doubting where I am.
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Tuesday, September 11,2012

Advice Goddess

Apocalypse meow & homo on the range

by Amy Alkon
Q: For years, a group of us girls has gone camping, to dinner, to concerts, etc. Our husbands do their own thing together while we hang out. When they bring a new guy into their circle, they seem to think we should automatically accept his female partner. We normally do because we're nice like that. The problem is, there's a gal who invites herself to everything she catches wind of from her husband. She consistently creates incredible upheaval, agitation and hurt feelings with her callous remarks and abrasive personality.
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Tuesday, September 4,2012

Advice Goddess

Alive & welded and he leicas the last lady

by Amy Alkon
Q: What is an appropriate amount of togetherness time for a couple? My 9-year-old son spends half the week with me, plus every other weekend. My girlfriend of a year wasn’t happy with only the other half of my time, so she started joining me and my son. She and I are now together 5 1/2 days a week, 3 1/2 of which are also with my son. I’m never alone; I have no time to go grocery shopping, etc.; and no one’s happy.
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