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Wednesday, March 2,2011

And the winner is ...

by City Pulse

Maybe you missed all five-and-a-half-hours of the City Pulse/WLNS Top of the Town award ceremonies.


Or maybe you saw it, but you want to relive the capital city’s most glamorous night.


Not to worry. We taped it for you, beginning with the pre-show and the red-carpet arrivals.


Just click “On” whenever you’re ready and click again to fast forward.


[Power On]


Krista Smith: It’s the night we’ve all been waiting for, when Lansing honors its own! Right now the nominees are walking down Michigan Avenue, heading for the small vestibule inside the City Pulse office where the awards are handed out. Fashion expert Tim Gunn is on the red carpet. Tim, what’s the fashion down there this year?


Gunn: It’s a big night to see and be seen. The classic look is back. Archival gowns from Goodwill, nails by Douglas J, flea dip by Waggin’ Tails.


Smith: I’m seeing a lot of red down there.


Gunn: The pizzas always make a big splash. Everybody gasped when Pizza House climbed out of the limo stuffed in a glistening, saucy Chicago-style number. Sir Pizza, nominated for Best Karaoke, rolled up in a daring edgeless crust. There was Jet’s in the colorful Hawaiian top, and, of course, DeLuca’s in the classic deep dish, a winner year after year. Everybody was oozing all the way to the ceremony. No wonder they use a red carpet!


Smith: So where are the big parties tonight?


Gunn: Well, Krista, even though we’re in the capital, there’s no Governor’s Ball this year because of budget cuts.


Smith: Oh, too bad. Gunn: But there’s an afterglow at Mac’s Bar and a wee-hours breakfast at Golden Harvest. Wait, I have Dave Horvath here, from Flat, Black and Circular! Great archival coat, Dave.


[Fast forward.]


Co-host James Franco: Here’s a historic clip from the man who hosted the TOTTs for its first 93 years, Mr. Bob Hope.


Hope [on tape]: It’s great to be here in Michigan’s capital again. Ya know, I just played the clubhouse at the REO factory. Tough crowd. At lunch I went to practice some jokes on the guys at the plant gates. Ransom Olds sent three guys to beat me up. [Laughter.] I told him I was an entertainer, but the old man is hard of hearing, you know. Thought I said “agitator.” [Laughter.] Of course, Lansing was built on a swamp. The only way they could get Teddy Roosevelt to come here was to tell him he could dress and eat all the mosquitoes he shot.


[Fast forward.]


Franco: To present the award for Best Butcher, here’s one of the great Hollywood legends … Mr. Kirk Douglas!


[Standing ovation.]


Douglas: I have a confession to make. I love a good butt roast. [Looks at co-host Anne Hathaway.] Where were you back when I had teeth? [Big laugh] And the winner is … Merindorf Meats!


[Fast forward.]


Marisa Tomei: Without basics like plumbing and electricity, the capital wouldn’t be the capital. The dome would go dark. The Supreme Court couldn’t steam clean its robes. Legislation wouldn’t flush all the way to the people. Last month I had the honor of giving out this year’s scientific and technical awards, at a separate ceremony in the parking lot of Two Men & a Truck. “Best Electrician” award went to Bohnet Electric … .


[Fast forward.]


Franco: We have a brand new category this year, Best Medical Marijuana Dispensary. Here to present the award is the Dude himself, Oscar winner Jeff Bridges.


Bridges: The winner is … [Opens envelope.] Whoa. It says “None.” Wait, then it says “all.” This is [bleep]ed up, man. [Huge laugh.]


[Fast forward.]


Franco: And now for the last of the nominated songs, “Stick a Fork in Me, I’m Done,” by Lansing’s best original band/ group, Frank and Earnest.


[Sound of heavy guitar and stoned-sounding vocals.]


Frank and Earnest, singing: “I’ll just pass out on the floor.”


[Power Off.]


Zzzzz….

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